Jokes about presidents

Jokes about presidents
Jokes about presidents

– What is your name, my son?

– Bill Clinton, father!

– What is your sin?

– I cheated on my wife with an intern!

– On your knees! I forgive your sin!

– What is your name, my daughter?

– Hillary Clinton, father!

– What is your sin?

– I was going to cut off my husband’s penis!

– On your knees! I forgive your sin!

– What is your name, my daughter?

– Monica Lewinsky, father!

– What is your sin?

– I blew whistles on the president in the White House!

– On your knees! Actually… you’d better stay straight!

*****

The head of an enterprise went to his subordinate Bai Ivan and said to him:

– Bai Ivane, President Radev is coming to visit next week, I want everything to be in order.

Bai Ivan assured him that everything would be as it should be and there would be no problems. And so it happened. The president arrived, and when he saw Bai Ivan, they hugged from the portal – it became clear that they were friends. They put the big sofries – eating, drinking, the meeting passed…

A month later, the chief goes to Bai Ivan on the same occasion with the promise that everything will be as it should be, the president of Russia will come to visit – they cannot allow themselves to be exposed. The meeting proceeds in the same way, Putin turns out to be on very good friendly terms with Bai Ivan, again the big sofrs – everything went smoothly.

After another two months, the chief goes to Bai Ivan again and tells him:

– Bai Ivan, you contributed a lot to this enterprise, your friendly relations with these influential people helped a lot, as a reward I want you to come with me to the White House – for Biden’s speech.

And so it happened – they went to the speech, and there were many people there. Bai Ivan and his chief stood in the center of the crowd and his speech began. At one point, Biden said on the microphone:

– Bai Ivane, have you been here? Come upstairs to me.

Bai Ivan left, the speech was over, and when he returned, his superior had fainted and they tried to sober him up with water and slaps. When he came to himself, Bai Ivan asked him:

– Chief, what happened to you, why did you pass out?

And the chief answered:

– Good… that you are friends with Radev, I accepted it, that you are close to Putin, I experienced it again, that Biden knows you – whatever, but I couldn’t stand it when an Argentinian journalist came to me, pointed to the podium and asked: “Well, who is that one up there next to Bai Ivan”?

*****

Biden walks into the press conference room and pulls a penny out of his pocket. He reads it, looks around embarrassed, but still takes off his pants and pees in front of the journalists. In the hall noise, lightning. From behind the scenes, a whisper is heard: “Mr. President, these were the instructions for using the toilet.”

*****

The American president tells the German chancellor:

– I have 3 buttons, if you press the first, Moscow disappears, if you press the second, Russia disappears, and with the third, Russia and China also disappear…

The German Chancellor replies:

– Back in the day, my grandmother had three night pots – gold, silver and porcelain. When the Russian tanks rolled into Berlin, she pissed her pants.

*****

All countries disarmed. The heads of state gathered for a peace symposium. The Minister of War approaches the American President and quietly whispers to him:

– Mr. President. It turns out we have one nuclear-tipped ballistic missile left.

The American President rises and commands:

– Everyone on your knees!

– But why?

– Because we have a ballistic missile.

Everyone falls to their knees. His military minister crawls to the Russian president on his knees and whispers to him:

– Mr. President, Major Maksimov was drunk again and gave false information. It turns out that we have a whole range of missiles with nuclear warheads.

The President stands up, knocks his knees and says:

– Not Major Maksimov, but Major General Maksimov. And as long as Russia drinks, no one will beat her!

*****

He smoked “Parliament” but did not enter the parliament. He anointed himself “President”, but he did not become president. Only with “Kozel” beer did things work out for him.

*****

The Pope arrived on a visit to Sofia and got into a taxi to see the sights. Not long after, he also decided to drive the taxi a bit, they changed drivers and continued the tour. At one point they are stopped by the police. The policeman asked for the documents, the pope replied:

– You don’t know me? I don’t have a passport, here is the diadem and the scepter.

The policeman looked at him, thought for a long time, then decided to call his boss.

– Boss, do you know who I stopped?

– Who did you stop, if you didn’t stop a deputy?

– No, boss, much bigger than him.

– Isn’t it the Prime Minister or the President?

– No, an even higher level.

– If you hadn’t stopped Grandfather God?

– I’m sure it will be him, as soon as the Pope drives him…

*****

Reception at the presidency:

– Why are you worried, Mr. Ambassador?

– My gold watch was stolen at your reception, Mr. President.

– Do you suspect anyone?

– That man in the blue suit.

– Yes, this is the Minister of Justice. Are you sure it’s him?

– Alas, yes!

After a while, the president returns to the ambassador:

– Here’s your watch!

– Oh, the minister must have felt uncomfortable?

– Hardly, he didn’t feel anything…

*****

He smoked “Parliament” but did not enter the parliament.

He anointed himself “President”, but he did not become president.

Only with “Kozel” beer did things work out for him


The article is in bulgaria

Tags: Jokes presidents

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