Psychologist: Divorce is a test mainly for children

In the rubric “Children in Focus” we will discuss a topic that, unfortunately, is becoming more and more relevant in our society. The divorce causes extremely unpleasant emotions, especially for children who need time and support to adapt to the new life after separation.

Any decision to divorce affects the children, who often react with shock, sadness, disappointment, anger or anxiety. There are strategies that can help children ease through the process, cope with stress, and develop resilience and tolerance that will help them in the future. As soon as you are sure of your plans, talk to your children about your decision to live apart. Although there is no easy way to break such news, it would be good if both parents were present at this conversation. This is one of the first pieces of advice he gave us the psychologist Stella Decheva from Vidin:

“Children are very sensitive. No matter how old they are, they are very sensitive when it comes to separation from their parents. Up to a point, they see them as their creators, as Gods, and when separation occurs for any reason, it literally collapses world if no way is found to reach them and talk to them so that they do not collapse. Yes, they will have a hard time, but they may have a hard time in the least severity and a hard time in the greatest severity In order to make the difficult period as easy as possible, parents should be honest with the children, not lie in any way, and not denigrate the other parent, make themselves a victim or something, just be honest… “

According to the psychologist, there are methods that can help children experience the separation of parents with less difficulty. In the first place are conversations, because words can be found, even for the youngest children, because they feel them.

“In no case should parents compensate with material things, which happens very often. Let us now replace the absence of the father by buying for you, by bringing you, no, by no means does that happen. In this way, when is compensated with material things, the child is left with the feeling that the material is worth nothing and everything can be bought, but at the same time the soul is devalued , the things that are given to a child, regardless of separated or not separated parents,” said the psychologist.

Another important question that should be given special attention is how to support the children’s adaptation to the new conditions after separation and how to avoid possible problems?

“After separation, parents very often stop communicating and have different rules and different boundaries in upbringing. The best option is to avoid it by discussing a plan in advance, what boundaries will be set for the child, what rules will he have. These rules should also be in place In both houses, the child should know that he will go to bed at his own time, he will play the game after he has learned the lesson the separation,” explained the specialist.

Certainly, the experience of separation is an extremely strong emotional blow that has a significant impact on the well-being of both parents and their children. It is no coincidence that separation is often compared to the loss of a loved one. At such times, it is essential to focus on helping children to adapt to new circumstances as painlessly as possible.

Regardless of whether a family is together or separated, whether they have other partners by their side or other children, parents remain parents to their children forever – thisand they should not forget it in any way, advises the psychologist.